I’m gonna start practicing self love I mean I’m still gonna continue to starve myself
God I’m so revved up my shrink asked me yesterday to come up with something fun to do over the weekend and to also think about what I would do if the world was ending in six months and I literally can’t come up with any way at all to make my present life feel meaningful… it’s MISERABLE everything I do every day of my life feels like an absolute chore and now that I’m cognizant of that fact I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to tolerate existing like this… like I am so outraged right now that I have to sit through two classes that mean absolutely nothing to me and then spend hours tomorrow doing homework for these classes when the whole thing makes me MISERABLE… and sure people do this everyday they have stressful jobs and they hate school and all that but at least most people would be able to confidently say they have something going on in their life that makes their present day to day existence worthwhile… literally everything I am doing I am doing because I believe it will help me achieve what I’ve idealized as happiness later in my life… I can’t think of any way to make my life right now feel less like a fucking chore. Thank god I have a boyfriend or I would harm myself… and the saddest part is like there is nothing I can do about it… like I can’t just drop out of school because I won’t be able to support myself and my mom would kick me out and I’d be working low wage jobs for the rest of my life… but you know what’s REALLY sick is the fact that since I’m pursuing art I’m probably going to be working low wage jobs to support myself for the rest of my life anyways!!! So there is no way at all I’m going to win… and god don’t even get me fucking started on my body…
I keep getting recommended these videos about kpop stars with eating disorders and I’m like… yes google more please
I think someone telling you to shut up on your own blog is super rude and they should feel shitty for trying to police you. I don’t know you, so I really don’t know but maybe the way you feel at gay bars has more to do with you and how you see yourself than the other patrons at the bar and you could be projecting. But anyway there’s like nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight and not being satisfied with your body. You’ll be able to achieve what you want with your body. I like ur body.
AnonymousI mean I know I am totally projecting and being a brat because no one tries to fuck me at gay bars and people don’t reply to my messages on Grindr as much as I want lol
Also like posting nudes on here served it’s purpose when I thought the solution to hating myself was having men be sexually attracted to me but like… I’ve moved past that lol… it never worked
Sis will you just like, shut tHE FUCK UP. Your body? Hot. Your face? Hot. Body hair? Hot. Your cock? Suckable. Get over yourself and stop putting those negative thoughts in your head! Now post hole pic.
AnonymousSee I knew that people would react this way but like… tumblr is WIDELY different than the real world… I kind of unloaded all this on one of my friends yesterday and he said like “all the queer spaces I’m apart of are very body positive” and I completely buy that and I know there are people who would find me attractive but like… I’m not a part of those scenes, and I have no desire to be… The unfortunate reality is like… The majority of gay men will find my body unattractive and the majority of gay men will look down on me for having my current body, and I don’t want to live with that! So yeah I’m just getting shit off my chest right now but for the most part I’ve decided to just shut up and lose the weight. I’m not suffering. I’m having a great time.
